Friday, January 13, 2012

It still sucks to be a teenage girl

I had an awful night.

My best friend's boyfriend's band was playing a gig at a local teen club. I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay home and watch Full Metal Jacket and make cookies. But I'm a good friend.

So I ended up at this skeevy teen club where the guys look like they could be anywhere from 12 to 28 years old and the girls. . . well you know what? I won't be bitchy about those girls. They wanted to have a good time and there's nothing wrong with that.

My friend and I walked in. There was a security guard at the door who was about 40ish and had a mustache. Well, that's a red fucking flag right there. He did a pat-down on me, which you know, is a security guard's job. Except then, during the pat-down, he stuck his hand up my skirt.

He stuck his hand up my skirt.

I've gone to a lot of shows. I've had my pockets checked and I've been patted down before. MY first reaction was to just say "No," pull my skirt down and walk away. What was I supposed to do? I thought, Hey, it was kind of dark, is there the slightest possibility he didn't know I was wearing a skirt? But he didn't stop when he felt the very distinct hemline of my skirt. I told my friend immediately, and she told me he pulled her shirt up a little when she was getting checked. She had thought nothing of it. And I-- I thought this stuff didn't happen anymore. The 90's were so long ago! This only happened in Bikini Kill songs and places I don't go! I thought an adult would be trustworthy!

And then I watched another girl from my school get checked, and he grabbed her ass. Before I knew it I was on the phone to my sister, and then I was on the phone to my parents, and then I was outside of a teen club talking to two cops. I was horrified, mortified. My thoughts were Did I overreact? My friend doesn't seem to bothered. Maybe it was a mistake. I overreacted.

But I didn't overreact.

One thing you always read in articles about sexual abuse or harassment or anything of that ilk is that a lot of times people don't want to or can't recognize when someone's gone too far. Girls often feel that if the guy didn't directly touch their boobs or their crotch than it wasn't anything to worry about. But this is how it is: If what happened felt wrong, it was wrong. What happened to me felt wrong. This guy is an employee at an establishment where TONS of TEENAGE GIRLS who hey, guess what, wear provocative outfits because its their (our) goddamn right to do so, come and HE has to check them physically. Maybe if it had just been me, it could have been just an uncomfortable accident. But it wasn't just me! Three of us, and maybe even more, felt violated. What's to say this isn't this guy's cheap thrills for the night?

It's an inappropriate situation to have a FULLY GROWN MAN touch us girls nightly. Regardless of whether or not he's a pervert, they need a woman their for that specific job.

Yeah, I was mortified that my parents called the cops and all these kids from school were there to see at first. But as time went on, I knew they had done the right thing and that I had done the right thing by calling them. I was even embarrassed about how embarrassed I had been. But you know what? Nobody should ever be placed in that position.


  1. Yes. Good job. You did do the right thing!!! The riot grrrls would be proud!


  2. haha, thanks! By the way, your blog is awesome

  3. you handled this amazingly well - not only did you do something to stop the situation and alert others to its presence; but you also continued to talk about it here, and actively resisted any judgement of the girls (including yourself). seriously impressive.